Trials & Tribulations of a Thirtysomething Philadelphia Sports Fan

A Remembrance of Big Daddy Graham

Count me among the many who will sorely miss this funny Philly guy.

Published September 9, 2021

Like everyone else around these parts, I was saddened to learn of the passing of comedian/radio host Big Daddy Graham. Saddened but not shocked, however, as he had been in failing health for several years, with a sad reality having long since set in that he would not be able to return to the way things were. My thoughts and prayers go out to his family and close friends, who no doubt carried a heavy burden and a broken heart, seeing him in physical pain and low spirits on a daily basis. Rest easy now, Big Daddy. You will be missed.

Now that I’ve said all that, I want to lighten this up with a quick (maybe) anecdote about a personal interaction with Big Daddy.

I met the man a few times over the years, having participated in the Quizzo game he was running one time at a bar owned by my wife’s friend and then spotting him hosting another game at Delaware Park on a separate occasion where I chatted him up during a break in the game but didn’t actually play. But my most memorable interaction with Big Daddy was the first time that I met him.

When I was a teenager, in the summer of 1998, I found myself with my dad on the Atlantic City boardwalk watching Angelo Cataldi broadcast his WIP Morning Show in front of Caesar’s. He was there every Friday during the summer back then, and I was interested to watch some of the show and perhaps even meet him and his cohorts. With him on that particular day were Joe Conklin and Big Daddy Graham. Al Morganti and Rhea Hughes, the other staples of Angelo’s show, were off that day.

At some point during the show, and keep in mind that the broadcast went from 6 to 10 am, a disheveled guy stumbled around on the boardwalk and completely passed out, obviously the effect of enjoying himself a bit too much in some form or another the night before. And while someone collapsing on the boardwalk about 20 feet in front of a live radio broadcast is a serious thing, I can assure you that this man was breathing the whole time and someone called 911 almost immediately.

Before the ambulance arrived, however, Big Daddy and Joe Conklin took it upon themselves to go lay down on the boardwalk next to this man, basically doing snow angels on the ground next to him. My dad took some pictures during all this. Remember, this was 1998. It was an actual film camera.

Shortly thereafter, the ambulance arrived, and it was obviously not their first experience with the passed out guy, as I think the EMT even said “Wake up, sunshine” as she sort of slapped him awake. All the while, Angelo gave a play by play of the man being loaded into the ambulance, and the EMT yelled at him. It was great.

At any rate, after a bit, Big Daddy was speaking to my dad and asked if he could send him copies of the photos when he got the film developed. (How did we ever live like this, by the way?) He gave my dad the WIP station address, and my dad obliged by sending the photos a few days or weeks later.

I thought that was the end of it, but we were pleasantly surprised to receive a WIP swag bag in the mail courtesy of Big Daddy. It included an autographed headshot, a pen, a Don McKee-chain, and various other items. It was at that point that I developed an admiration for Big Daddy after he took the time to respond to a favor with a kind gesture like this. It’s the little things, you know.

In the years that followed, I would occasionally email him about topics that I heard discussed on his show. And I can’t thank him enough for keeping me company during some of the overnight shifts that I used to work, his voice providing a welcome soundtrack to the monotony of having to be awake and working at 3 am. If you’ve never had to do it, consider yourself lucky.

In addition to enjoying his radio stylings, I also received Big Daddy’s “Ravings from a Man Who Never Sleeps” email newsletter for a number of years. The final time that I corresponded with him, after diving into my email history, appears to be in 2013. I had just seen him and Joe Conklin perform their “Two Funny Philly Guys” show at The Colonial in Phoenixville. It was a riot. I sent Big Daddy a quick message thanking him for the show and saying that he made new fans out of the friends who went with me that night. His reply was short and sweet: “Thanks Kevin. Your email made my day”.

I’ll miss Big Daddy. We all will. Let’s never forget what he taught us…

When you’re smiling, the whole world smiles with you.

The late, great Big Daddy Graham of WIP.

Who's that man? It's Big Daddy Graham. (CrossingBroad.com)

The Eagles Are Going to Go 6-11

No hidden meaning, the Birds are just going to go 6-11 in 2021.

Published September 3, 2021

If you wanted one of my trademarked Iggle Prediggles®, you’ve got it already. The Eagles will go 6-11 during the 2021 season. You can stop reading right there.

Actually, don’t stop reading, please.

Let’s talk about what will probably happen this year, and what the team might at least be able to build on even if it posts a losing record.

First, figuring out what they have in Jalen Hurts is the most important element of all this. His predecessor who shall not be named basically forced the Eagles’ hand into going all in with Hurts, and it will be interesting to see how he fares with a clean slate. No doubt Hurts is completely ready to go after all ten of those preseason snaps he took. Still, even when you’re staring down the barrel of what looks like it’ll be a long season, it could still be fun to see what Hurts might be capable of. Let’s hope that he acquits himself well and stays healthy, because this season is over if Joe Flacco needs to go under center for an extended period of time. As for Gardner Minshew, I have no idea what to make of all that. Let’s just enjoy the mustache ride.

As usual, the Eagles feature several young players on offense who could be breakout candidates, or could end up being total duds. The Birds aren’t the only team in the league who pumps the tires on recent draft picks and says “look how good these guys are”, but we’ll see if they’re just blowing smoke.

On defense, you have to like additions like Steven Nelson and Ryan Kerrigan. They bring a veteran presence and are still impact players. But, as I’ve been saying for years, the Eagles’ inability to draft and develop true game-breakers on the defensive side of the ball continues to hurt the club. Really, since Fletcher Cox came into the league, the Birds have come up extremely short in their evaluation of defensive talent. This year’s top defensive picks, Milton Williams and Zech McPhearson, will try to start turning that narrative around. It really is a huge advantage when your youngest (cheapest) players make big contributions to the club. Let’s see if we get any glimpses this season.

As for rookie head coach Nick Sirianni, his first season isn’t so much about wins and losses as it is showing that he can run a team. Let’s all accept that he’ll look overmatched at times, because it’s part of the growth process. But if there is true talent there, it will show itself more often than not. Even if he’s great this year, he likely doesn’t have the horses on this club to make it a playoff team or even a .500 one (8-8-1, you know it!). Let’s have a competent year and then build on that going forward.

There’s a pretty clean parallel to be made here between the 2021 Eagles and the 1999 club that featured Donovan McNabb and rookie head coach Andy Reid. That team went 5-11. It wasn’t a pretty year, but the signs were there. And the next thing you knew, they were in the playoffs the next year and started their streak of NFC title game appearances. It’s probably too ambitious to expect the current iteration of the Eagles to make that leap in the next couple years, as the 2021 club doesn’t have the collection of young talent that the 1999 team did (especially on defense). Still, stranger things have happened.

Again, though, the Eagles are going 6-11 this year. And I feel like I’m even being generous with that, as this was going to be called “The Eagles are going 5-12” originally. But I’ve looked things over and I think they can squeeze out a sixth win.

They’ll win two games against NFC East foes. Pick any two; it doesn’t really matter. They’ll probably split with the Giants and Cowboys and get swept by Washington, but who knows for sure. Heck, depending on when they get those divisional wins, they might still be in the playoff race in December even with a bad record. I can’t decide if that would be fun or annoying.

The Eagles will also pull off a surprising win of some sort, like they did against the Saints last year. Perhaps that Thursday night affair with the defending champion Bucs is the one they bank this year? Sure, why not.

They’ll beat the Jets too, because they always beat the Jets. I think they’ll also nab a win against either San Fran or the Chargers. And for the sixth win, their game at Detroit looks tempting, but let’s not be fooled by that one. More likely it’ll be Carolina or Vegas. Just a gut feeling of mine. I do know that they won’t be winning their opener in Atlanta, so feel free to bet the house on the Falcons that day.

I know this all sounds ultra-defeatist, but a losing season doesn’t mean that there’s no hope to be had going forward. Because even if the Eagles go 6-11, which they will, this can be a valuable year for Hurts, Sirianni, and company. Then, maybe we can start to talk seriously about them competing in 2022.

It could always go completely off the rails, of course, but I’m trying not to take this to too dark of a place. I believe that we can still have an exciting year of football that could springboard this team to future success. So let’s enjoy it as best we can while taking the long view. It’s not all about 2021. After all, the Birds are going 6-11.

Philadelphia Eagles head coach Nick Sirianni looks at...something.

Our second favorite Nick eventually? (Mitchell Leff/Getty Images)

An Idea for the Phillies' Next Wall of Famer

Let’s give it to a man who has always been there for us.

Originally published March 22, 2019. I present it here unaltered in form because, even though some info is now out of date, the spirit remains the same. Put Dan Baker on the Wall!

The Phillies announced this week that Bobby Abreu will be the 2019 inductee into the team’s Wall of Fame. Good for Bobby. But this got me thinking.

This is going to sound like a lot of repitition, as you can look at my article about how the Flyers should honor long-time PA announcer Lou Nolan that I wrote back on October 14 (and which you annoyingly have to scroll down about half of the way to read, sorry about that). But, in the same vein, it helps us land perfectly on the next person that the Phillies should so honor...public address announcer Dan Baker.

Some background - Dan Baker has been the in-house voice of the Phillies since 1972. You’ve heard him at every single Phillies game you’ve ever attended. Or, if you’re super old, since you were a kid at least. And since the retirement of Yankees’ PA announcer Bob Sheppard a full decade ago, Baker has been the longest-tenured PA man in the major leagues. He is simply peerless in this regard.

And don’t forget that he also spent 30 seasons performing the same job with the Eagles before they inexplicably “moved on” from him five years ago. I neither know nor care to know the name of the guy who replaced him.

Philadelphia sports fans have been incredibly lucky to have enjoyed the soundtrack that we have over the last half-century. From Harry Kalas to Gene Hart to Merrill Reese, Lou Nolan and on and on, a litany of superb voices have greeted us at the stadiums, on the radio and in our homes. Baker is in that class.

Let’s not take Dan Baker for granted, as the man is now 72 years old. Maybe his aim is to hit 50 years with the Phillies, or maybe he’ll just keep on going for as long as he possibly can. Either way, he has earned it. And so the Phillies should set their 2020 Wall of Fame space aside ahead of time, with Baker earmarked as the recipient of the honor.

The team will have special nights at the ballpark this year to honor Ryan Howard, Chase Utley and Jimmy Rollins. Baker is the man who will emcee those ceremonies, having been with the team through the entirety of their Phillies careers, just as he has for hundreds more who have played at Citizens Bank Park and Veterans Stadium.

So, before the Phillies start putting the core of their 2008 World Series team into the Wall of Fame, the team should first give a fitting salute to Baker, who still does the same quality work that he has for decades. There is plenty of time remaining to induct players who have retired in recent years.

I met Dan Baker once, at a panel discussion at La Salle University when I was going to school there. After it was over, I made sure to introduce myself to him. He indulged me and several others by announcing our names like we were coming to bat for the Phillies. Honestly, it was a top thrill in my life.

His voice and his style is so ingrained into me that I can’t imagine attending a Phillies game without hearing it. He no doubt gets requests like this all the time, and he is always happy to oblige. I also know that he does pre-recorded voicework for peoples’ wedding reception introductions. This wouldn’t happen if people didn’t have such a deep connection to him.

Simply put, Dan Baker has been an important part of the Philadelphia sports landscape (not just baseball) for almost 50 years. It’s time to show our appreciation. Phillies, make it happen.

Ladies and gentlemen, the 1980's.

Phillies: Target vaccinated players only at trade deadline

Let's not deal for guys who might let the team down by being unable to play.

Published July 15, 2021

I'll do my best to not make this political, because this whole thing isn't a political issue, just one that concerns health and common sense. After the embarrassing situation that the Phillies put themselves in this past weekend, I've come to one conclusion concerning the direction of this 2021 club.

If the Phillies are going to add players for a playoff push (which they absolutely should do), they should do their utmost to only acquire players who have been vaccinated.

Since MLB is tracking vaccination rates with things like the 85% threshold we've heard so much about, I am operating under the assumption that any club can find out the vaccination status of any player. Teams are always privy to comprehensive injury and medical histories before they consummate a trade, after all. And so, armed with this information, the Phillies should immediately cross the names of any unvaccinated players off their trade list.

Maybe this sounds prejudicial, but it really isn't. I mean, if getting the vaccine is an individual choice, then teams should be able to CHOOSE not to trade for such players. America, right?

Ok, now that we all agree that this is an ironclad policy that nobody, even those who hate science, can find fault with, let's talk about the "why".

As we just saw with Aaron Nola missing a start due to contact tracing after Alec Bohm was placed on the covid list, being unvaccinated is a risky proposition that can wreck a team in the blink of an eye. If the whole goal here is to win baseball games, it's imperative that key players (but really, all players) take the time to get the shot so that their availability to play is assured.

Though the Phillies can't exactly control what their current players think, say, and do, they can at least keep a handle on any new players they bring in. And if they decide to trade for a player who either ends up contracting the virus or simply gets shelved because they get too close to somebody who does, this fanbase and city is going to explode.

The Phillies have done so many things wrong over the last few years, both on and off the field, and the Nola fiasco is just the latest faux pas. Add in some of the other things that certain Phillies have had to say about the vaccine, and you've got to wonder what is wrong with these guys.

It's incumbent upon the organization to only bring in reinforcements who have gotten the vaccine, giving the Phillies their best chance of success down the stretch. Losing any more players to this for any stretch of time is unacceptable, and there should be consequences for the club and individuals if it happens again.

So, for the sanity of us all, the Phillies must make sure that they're smart about this and don't open the door for further disaster and subsequent scathing criticism. Let's see what happens.

Aaron Nola of the Philadelphia Phillies points at something, back when he was able to pitch.

Don't point at me; you're the problem. (Dustin Bradford/Icon Sportswire)

5 Times I Wish Phillies Pitchers Were Thrown Out of a Game

MLB’s new checks for illegal substances made me think about past performances by Phils pitchers.

Published June 23, 2021

We all knew that Major League Baseball’s sudden crackdown on “sticky stuff” was going to be a disaster, and of course the Phillies found themselves front and center on Tuesday night with the whole Joe Girardi-Max Scherzer drama. Joe G. ended up being the first casualty of the rule, although indirectly, that boots a pitcher and suspends him if he’s found to be doing something illegal.

Whether a pitcher eventually gets kicked out for violating this rule remains to be seen, but I didn’t have to dig too far into my memory bank to find a few instances of times that I wish a Phillies pitcher was found to be cheating and subsequently ejected before something really bad happened. Yes, this is complete revisionist history, 20/20 hindsight, or whatever you want to call it. But here are five cases where things might have worked out better for the Phils if this rule was in place and their hurler got the ol’ heave-ho…

April 14, 2016

In just his second start with the Phillies, Vince Velasquez strikes out 16 Padres hitters in a masterful complete game shutout where he allows just three hits and zero walks.

And I really wish it didn’t happen.

That’s because it set the bar so unreasonably high that the organization has given the guy chance after chance for half a decade since that game, all in the vain hope that maybe he’ll be able to achieve something remotely close to that level again.

If this performance by Vinny V. never happens (against a wretched Padres club that would go on to lose 94 games that season, by the way), I have no doubt that the organization would have severed ties with him long ago. At least, by virtue of how long he’s stuck around, we’ve become well acquainted with “The Velasquez”, a very distant cousin of “quality start” and “The Maddux”.

Yes, “The Velasquez”, a game where your starter fails to go 5 innings despite throwing 90+ pitches, all while allowing at least 4 runs while tossing in multiple walks and/or wild pitches for good measure. It’s a loose definition, but you get it. Point is, if Vinny had gotten tossed out of that game before he could deliver an epic performance, we’d all be a lot happier right now.

September 7, 2005

My hatred for former Phillies closer Billy Wagner runs pretty deep, even though he now admits how much of a jerk he was while in town. So, props for that, at least. But I point to this game as the #1 instance of Wagner letting the team down, as it came in the worst possible spot, against his former Astros teammates while the Phillies jockeyed with them in the playoff race.

Wagner allowed a homer to Craig Biggio with 2 outs in the top of the 9th, turning a 6-5 lead into an 8-6 deficit that would end up being the final margin. The Phillies would go on to miss the playoffs by a single game, bested by the Astros for the Wild Card. Houston went all the way to the World Series that year, but maybe they wouldn’t have even reached the postseason if Wagner had simply been inspected and ejected on that fateful evening.

November 1, 2009

Fact: Brad Lidge was amazing in 2008.

Also a fact: Brad Lidge was a mess in 2009.

Lidge capped things off for that season by allowing three runs in one inning, his only appearance of the series, in the pivotal Game 4 of the 2009 Fall Classic against the Yankees. He took the hill in the ninth inning of a tie game as the Phillies attempted to even the series, and even recorded the first two outs. It’s at that point that I would have loved for umpires to halt the game and eject him for something, anything, because what followed wasn’t pretty.

Johnny Damon singled, and then pulled off his ridiculous double steal. Then Lidge hit a batter. Then he allowed two more hits. The Phillies trailed 7-4, and this one was done. Yes, they’d take Game 5, but it was just delaying the inevitable as the Yankees prevailed in six games.

October 2, 2011

In Game 2 of the National League Division Series, the Phillies spotted Cliff Lee a 4-0 lead through two innings as they attempted to take a stranglehold in their best-of-5 series against the Cardinals. That’s when Cliff Lee imploded. In what turned out to be the final postseason appearance of his career, Lee uncharacteristically gave up 5 runs on 12 Cardinals hits over 6 innings, taking the L and dramatically altering the course of the series. And, no, I’m not absolving Charlie Manuel for being so slow to pull him, either.

Maybe, if Lee actually does his part and the Phillies go up 2 games to 0, they polish the series off with having to get to a decisive Game 5 that they’d go on to lose and which has ruined the franchise for almost a decade now.

Yes, the Phillies decided to stop scoring on that cold October evening (I was there, trust me), but Lee’s choke job will always stick with me. If he had been kicked out after two or three innings, the end result might have still been the same, but it couldn’t have been worse than what actually happened.

October 23, 1993

I probably don’t need to get too deep into this, but let’s just say that I’d like to get in a time machine and have the umpires go do a spot check on Mitch Williams after he finished his warmup pitches to start the bottom of the ninth inning of Game 6 of the World Series in Toronto. I would have made sure that sunscreen, Spider Tack, pine tar, Ecto Cooler, and every sticky substance known to man was on his hat, glove, and belt so that he wasn’t allowed to throw any pitches that night.

The rest is history, of course. Joe Carter’s home run won the Series for Toronto, a championship that still stands as the most recent title won by a Canadian team in the big four sports leagues, at least until Montreal wins the Stanley Cup in a few weeks.

Wait, what’s that? You’re saying the Raptors won an NBA title? Yeah, ok, nice try.

Anyway, I sure wish that Jim Fregosi had to make another move other than going to Mitchie Poo that night.

Was this just another way to repackage a “painful Phillies losses” list? Kind of. But MLB’s new rule (or, actual enforcement of a rule that’s been around for years) has provided us with yet another new way to look at things. Ah, baseball. Never change

Many times over the years, Philadelphia Phillies pitchers would have been better off being ejected.

Remember when the Phillies used to make the playoffs? (AP Photo/Matt Rourke)

It’s time to talk about Aaron Nola

The Phillies need more from their supposed top pitcher.

Published May 24, 2021

I’m not going to argue that Aaron Nola is a very good pitcher. Heck, sometimes he’s great, like when he threw his first career nine-inning complete game shutout earlier this season. And even when he’s a lesser version of himself, he’s still better than probably 75% of the starters in Major League Baseball.

But this isn’t about whether a pitcher is objectively good, because Nola clearly is. Instead, it’s about an individual player’s established baseline and his ability to elevate his game past that. And right now, I’m not seeing it from Aaron Nola.

There’s nothing really wrong with his numbers, even his current 3.94 ERA. That mark is way too high for a pitcher of Nola’s caliber, especially when you consider that every Joe Schmo on the street is throwing a no hitter during this 2021 season that’s seen MLB hitters plunge to a new level of ineptitude. But dig a little deeper and you’ll see that Nola’s Fielding Independent Pitching (FIP) is 2.98, which is a career low in this department. Essentially, this tells you that he’s been fairly unlucky so far this year, plus he has to deal with the Phillies’ lackluster defense behind him failing to make any kind of plays to help him out.

While Nola will likely finish with good numbers, a high strikeout total, and all of the trappings that make him a nice pitcher for your fantasy baseball team (which I assume you’ve called “Joe Buck Yourself”), he just seems to pick the absolute worst spots to come up small for this ballclub.

Let’s look at two recent starts.

On May 9 in Atlanta (Sunday Night Baseball, to boot) the Phillies were trying to take the rubber match of a series with the Braves. You’ll recall that this was the night after their horrendous 12-inning loss where they blew leads three separate times. The club needed Nola to author an effective start in the following game, especially since they had used eight pitchers that night. But after the Phillies jumped to a 1-0 lead in the first, Nola promptly came out in the bottom half of the inning and gave up four runs. Game over. He’d last four innings in the 6-1 loss. No run support there, but it was basically over before it started.

Most recently, Nola took the hill this past Friday in the opener of the Phils’ series with Boston. The Phillies had just dropped two games to the Marlins (of course) and needed to get back on track with their ace toeing the rubber. Instead, Nola immediately gave up two runs in the top of the first to the BoSox. The Phils would later tie the game, but Nola would surrender three more in the fifth, and his night was done. The Phillies would slog their way to an 11-3 loss thanks to porous defense and more ineffective bullpen work, but a score like this should never be the result of a game started by Aaron Nola.

Look, I’m not blaming him for other elements of this team that he has no control over. But the team is 5-5 when Nola starts this year. They don’t have a prayer to do anything of consequence this season if that doesn’t drastically improve. Also, keep in mind that the Phillies were one win away from qualifying for the expanded playoffs in 2020. Their record in Nola’s starts last year? 5-7.

Aaron Nola is in no way the biggest problem with this team. But he shouldn’t be exempted from the list of players that the club needs more from. And frankly, I wonder about his long-term relationship with the Phillies. Nola is under contract through 2022, and he has a team option which the Phils will almost certainly exercise for 2023. But what about after that?

Would Nola want to tie himself down in perpetuity to an organization so mired in mediocrity? The guy turns 28 in a few weeks, and he’s never thrown a pitch in the playoffs. If this continues for another year or two, would he really want to come back to the Phillies when he hits free agency at the age of 30? I wouldn’t even be surprised if we’re talking about Nola as a hot trade commodity around this time next year if the Phils continue on their current track. Contending clubs would no doubt be lining up to get a hold of him for the last year and a half of his contract so that he could help them for two potential playoff runs. And the Phillies would be wise to at least listen, if this scenario plays out.

I won’t deny elements of Nola’s career, like his fantastic 2018 season or reliability in taking the mound every fifth day for several years after there were some lingering injury concerns earlier in his career. But are all of us happy with these kinds of results, or do we want something more? Is Nola even capable of giving something more?

I have no answers, only questions. And I hope that Nola starts achieving better results for a Phillies club that sorely needs him to. Even that may not be enough to drag this team to the playoffs, but at least he’d be fully cashing in on the potential that all of us believe he has.

On one hand, I feel bad that Nola hasn’t gotten a chance to show his stuff on the biggest stage. Then again, maybe he needs to start performing better in the opportunities presented to him (such as stopping a losing streak or helping his team win a series against a division rival) so that he can fully earn his shot.

All of this may be construed as overly harsh words about a very good pitcher. But “very good” might not be good enough for Aaron Nola. Or maybe it is. It's up to him.

Righthanded pitcher Aaron Nola of the Philadelphia Phillies doing...something. (AP/Matt Slocum)

Yeah, that's how I'd look if Rhys Hoskins was playing defense behind me, too. (AP Photo/Matt Slocum)

Roman Quinn: The worst Phillies hitter of the last 25 years?

How does Roman Quinn rank with the most offensively challenged Phils of the last quarter-century?

Published May 1, 2021

I’m sure this feels like kicking a guy while he’s down, but the issues didn’t start for Roman Quinn this year. They extend the entirety of his MLB career, one that’s given us just over a full season’s worth of games, even though it’s taken Roman several years to reach this mark. And that’s probably why he rates as such a large disappointment for the team. Quinn was a second round pick ten years ago. TEN! While nobody expected him to start making a major league impact for a few years after that, certainly we all thought we would be getting more than this.

But is Quinn the worst we’ve seen at the plate for the Phillies over the last 25 years? Let’s try to find out, but first a few ground rules.

Notice I said “hitter”, not “player”. I’m only talking about performance at the plate here, and I’ll take the opportunity for yet another shot at Phillippe Aumont and all of the terrible pitchers the Phillies have had another time.

Track record counts here. As mentioned, Quinn has played the equivalent of over a full season. That seems like enough of a sample size. Russell Branyan and his nine at bats with the Phillies don’t count, sorry.

As for expectation, that should be factored in as well. Quinn, a second round pick, has a higher bar to clear than someone the Phillies signed as an undrafted free agent. So, does this mean that Mickey Moniak is on the hot seat here? Very possibly, but he’s played less than 20 games in the majors so far, and he’s a full five years younger than Quinn. Give him time.

I think that the easiest way to do this is to start working backward through time and see who we bump into that could challenge Roman Quinn, in the sense that rarely met the challenge at the plate.

The first name that jumps off the page to me is Quinn’s current teammate, Andrew Knapp. I do admit that I’ve had my share of harsh things to say about Knapp in recent years, but I commend him for working hard to improve from total liability to the range of “somewhat acceptable backup catcher”. So good for him, although a team has problems if they give him more than about 175 plate appearances in a given season.

Aaron Altherr is another guy we’ve seen come through town in recent seasons, and his batting average with the Phillies was actually lower than what Quinn’s is at the moment. Altherr showed some rare bursts, but he hit below .200 in 57 games in 2016 and was then under the Mendoza Line again in 2018, batting a putrid .181 in over 100 games. The last straw was a 1-for-29 start to 2019, at which point he was waived. I don’t know that he was worse than Quinn, but we’ll keep him in mind for the moment.

Jesmuel Valentin was pretty bad, but he only got 89 plate appearances in 2018. Luminaries such as Cameron Perkins and Ty Kelly also didn’t play enough. And then we come to Tyler Goeddel, who is intriguing. He got 234 plate appearances in 92 games in 2016, producing a slash line of .192/.258/.291. He appears to be a strong candidate, though I would have liked to have seen a few more trips to the plate for this exercise, as opposed to real life, where I would have liked to have seen 234 fewer trips to the plate.

Laynce Nix makes a strong play, having hit .211 over parts of two seasons (263 PA) with the Phillies. We can also consider Pete Orr, whose on base plus slugging (OPS) of .599 with the Phillies is much lower than Quinn’s mark of .644.

Next up is a big-time contender: Michael Martinez. The Phils kept this guy on the roster for three years, and he batted .187 over 396 trips to the plate. His on base percentage was .234, and he slugged .261. Those are terrible, in case you weren’t sure. I think we have a new leader in the clubhouse. Roman, you might be off the hook. Really, the only thing possibly holding us back is the fact that Quinn was a high draft pick, while Martinez was never projected to be anything. So we’ll see.

As I continue to work my way backwards in time, I’m reminded of a period when the Phillies were good, and as such didn’t give hundreds of at bats to players like Michael Martinez. That time feels like a distant memory now.

One guy I unearthed was Nick Punto. He was a bad hitter, for sure, but a .223 batting average over just 111 plate appearances for the Phillies doesn’t give us a ton to work with. I’ll have to rule him out, plus he carved out a decade-long career as a reserve guy after he left town. I guess he wasn’t terrible.

Back a little further, we come across David Doster (bad, but not THAT bad) and an interesting case, Bobby Estalella. He’s probably best remembered for his three-homer game, but Estalella only batted .218 with an on base percentage under .300 for the Phillies. He’s not going to be our winner, but I thought it was worth pointing out that he wasn’t very good at all.

I think we’ve got to take a long look at Mark Parent, he of the .186/.239/.230 slash line over 247 plate appearances for the Phillies. Man, that’s bad. But I have to admit it seems like piling on to go with a broken down catcher at the end of the line. Then again, his CAREER batting average was .214. He was never good, especially for a former fourth round pick. Intriguing.

We’ll wind this list up with the granddaddy of them all, Desi Relaford. Working in Desi’s favor is the fact that had SO MANY plate appearances for the Phils, almost 1200 of them. They just kept trotting him out there until Jimmy Rollins showed up to save the day. Honestly, though, Desi was just doing the best he could, which was essentially Roman Quinn-level production. And those were some bad Phillies teams that he played on. I’m not sure that I have it in my heart to declare him our victor. This is going to be close.

THE FINAL VERDICT

As (un)impressive as Roman Quinn has been, he’s not our winner as “worst Phillies hitter of the last 25 years”. Maybe he’ll get there eventually, but I just can’t go with him. Nor can I declare contenders like Desi Relaford or Mark Parent the winner. In the end, I decree that MICHAEL MARTINEZ is the worst Philadelphia Phillies hitter of the last quarter-century. He wasn’t a high draft pick like Quinn, and he only played the equivalent of one full season in town, but wow. He’ll be hard to top going forward.

Philadelphia Phillies outfielder Roman Quinn is not good at hitting a baseball.

Roman failing to keep his eye on the ball again. (Scott Cunningham/Getty Images)

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